Well.. it's been a while is definitely an understatement here. Lots of things to update the interweb universe about, for 1.. i'm married :P and some other bug things like that.. but what i'll focus on is why i'm posting after all this time. I would love to write this to Facebook, but i don't want the publicity that FB generates.. so it's safer to write it here. Why is it that i feel so sad, my spirit seems so .. under connected.. and yet i'm too connected that i'm stressed. Im stressed to the max actually because every second night or day seems to be something going on, and the things in the house that need to get done, never get done. I'm finding it harder to get into God's word, finding i'm having a lul in listening to the audio's i used to enjoy so much. Maybe they are also the reason i'm feeling down lately, that a huge source of joy and encouragement with learning, i have been neglecting to do. Why is it though.. i can't figure it out.. why is the Joy seem to have left me..
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I think i know why.. though i am ashamed to write it here. My heart does not beat the same beat as what i know God would like it to.. "My thoughts are not your thoughts.. my ways are not your ways, says the Lord".. Yes i know it's not.. and yes i get joy when i follow you, when i please you, and is it then true that i have discouragement when i can't *slash won't change my heart. I had things "figured" out.. but everyone outside my position can see that it would be wrong and unhealthy.. so now i sit on the ground in the dirt, pouting, while all the other children laugh and have joy.. Instead i sit there wishing i could join them, but refuse to stand. Christ you are with me, I know I am yours, please send someone in your fold, in your body to pick me up, dust me off, so i can run with your other children.
I could make this into a post of 1000's of words.. but i feel like i should leave it now before i ramble. Maybe i should log on though sometime soon, and do a little rambling on here so you can have a taste of how He has grown me and matured me.
I have so much emotion i feel bottled up on different things.. maybe it's time to write a song. In other quick news.. got new Windows and a new front door in the last month.. Tereza the girl i used to tutor got baptized tonight, work is interesting with possibly having to leave this October.. interesting times ahead.